


John Peter(s), you know....

by mercutiglo



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: FUN FACT HES MENTIONED IN EP 88, fun universe stuff, weird night vale shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-07-17 12:58:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16096160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercutiglo/pseuds/mercutiglo
Summary: A short life in the day of John Peter.





	1. John Peter

John Peter woke up and prepared for his work day like he had every single other day of his adult life. He lived out towards the outskirts of town, exactly in between Larry Leroy out on the edge of town and Old Woman Josie’s That Is Now Owned By Angels House, which meant that he had to get up early enough so that when there was traffic in the mornings, or when the roads just didn’t exist, he could still make it to work on time. It didn’t usually take him very long to get to work, but sometimes someone would stop him and ask him questions about how his farm was doing, how was the invisible corn crop this year. When he got questions like these, he tried to be as polite as possible, saying that he had no idea what they were talking about but he hoped they had a nice day, leaving them with very confused looks on their faces.

When he got to work, he always made sure he parked in front of the Ralphs and walked around to the back side, where the pharmacy was in the alley, so as not to take up any of the valuable and limited parking spots in the alley. He would grab his medical coat (different from a lab coat Carlos might wear due to its blood red hue and acid holes burned through in some sort of a pattern too complex for the mortal eye) and fill any prescriptions that had come in overnight before officially opening the pharmacy at about 9am. The first of those who needed things would file in around 9:35am, always making him question what would happen if he just opened the pharmacy at 9:30 instead, but insisting to himself that that would be unfair because what if someone was in dire need of a prescription at 9:17am, then he wouldn’t be open and they might die. Again he would receive questions about invisible corn, time traveling oranges, how he felt about the whole Flakey-Os business. Again he would smile, and as politely as possible, tell them that he had no idea what they were talking about, your total is $15.27, no we don’t take feathers, please try and control your bleeding into this cup yes that’ll suffice do you need a band aid for that, leaving them again with confused faces, some asking if he had a brother also named John Peters, him responding ‘no that’d be absurd why would my parents do that also I don’t have a brother’. Him asking that they please not bleed all over everything as they left and hey watch out for that display thank you have a nice day, them staring back, concerned and confused.

His work day was usually over around 5pm, although it never really mattered when he was done for the day because there was always more work that he hadn’t yet done and not enough work for him to actually do. He would drive home, trying to avoid anyone he might see who would continue to ask him questions about invisible corn, which obviously couldn’t exist, or about the whole Flakey-Os business that he really didn’t care all that much about. He would get home, have some dinner, watch whatever municipally mandated television shows there were, listen to Cecil’s broadcast, and go to bed, his head filled with questions about who this “John Peters, You Know, The Farmer” was.

Because he knew he was John Peter, You Know, The Pharmacist.


	2. Chapter 2

John Peters woke up and felt like everything in his life was backwards. He knew that he was supposed to make sure he went out and checked on the invisible corn, but when he looked out his window all he saw was the dog park across the street from the apartment building he invariably found himself in. He went to his closet and saw all of his regular clothes, his flannels and jeans and when he went out into the kitchen, it seemed as though all the decor from his house on the edge of town had just been compacted to create the same feel in this apartment, while his boots sat next to the door. He couldn’t find the keys to his truck, but presuming that was still back at the farm, that’d work out okay then, just as soon as he got over there.

 

Usually when he walked around out on the street, people put in effort to talk to him, ask him how the farm was doing, when the next load of time travelling oranges would be available down at the Ralphs, but today no one stopped him to talk. At some point he saw someone, Jackie Fiero, and asked her how she was doing, but she seemed slightly taken aback by the question, or more so that he was even just talking to her. She mumbled some sort of question about his…. Farm sea? Pharmacy? Maybe she was confused, and meant how was this farm season going? “Oh the farm’s going great this season! I think I’ll have a new batch of oranges ready soon, and then the invisible corn crop is really booming this year!” Her eyes went wide with fear, not understanding what the man who was supposed to work behind the counter at the local Pharmacy was talking about, now questioning whether or not he should really be allowed to work around pharmaceuticals. She started walking away, to which he replied “Talk to ya later, Jackie!” causing her to walk away faster. 

 

He was on the wrong side of town and needed to get over to his farm to make sure the irrigation had turned on properly this morning. It had been having troubles recently, sometimes spitting out acid instead of water, or instead of moving in the intricately patterned crop circles, it had been moving in regular straight lines. He started walking towards the proper side of town, but every block he walked seemed to be in the wrong direction, despite the fact that he  _ knew _ he was going the right way. At one point he stopped, turned around, and started walking in the wrong direction, seeing if the streets were just backwards today, and he was still walking away from the farm and the side of town that he needed to be on. He took a left and got a block closer to the wrong edge of town, he took a right and got another block closer to the wrong edge of town. When he arrived at the edge of the Sand Wastes, he sat down on the sidewalk. He didn’t know exactly what he had done, but clearly there was something up with the way things were going. And why had no one seemed to recognize him today? Usually he was hardly able to move anywhere in town without people recognizing him and chatting with him, and today not even Jackie Fiero had wanted to talk to him. What had she asked him about though, the…. Pharmacy? The one in town probably? He figured it would be as good a place as any to find out what was wrong. He got up and started walking.

 

And again could only continue further into the sand wastes. Usually the universe was okay about realizing when someone came to an important conclusion, but either he hadn’t thought it loud enough, or he had the timing wrong. He sat back down in the sand and waited. He drew pictures in the sand, tried to decipher the (faint but still visible) lights in the sky, and eventually just decided to lay down and take a nap. When he woke up about an hour later, he was almost completely covered in sand and the sun was almost completely set, but he could tell that it felt different. This time when he got up to walk towards town, he actually could. He determined it was too late to try and walk all the way across town at this hour, so instead he determined that the mystery of what had happened to him would have to wait until tomorrow, and he would have to hope that the crops would be okay and that the watering system had decided to finally shape up and act right….

**Author's Note:**

> MY WIFE LILY (@pedantichoe on tumblr) MADE THIS SUGGESTION AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS A JOKE BUT ITS BROUGHT UP IN EPISODE 88
> 
> I literally woke up thinking about this and wrote this before leaving for class so sorry if I fucked it up.
> 
> (Hi Happy Halloween also it's my birthday BUT I finished chapter two of this finally, and started to sort out some sort of a plot, so here's some more, and stay tuned because now I finally know what I'm doing with this fic.)
> 
> I literally wrote this as like a little almost crackfic like thing bc I didn’t realize John Peter was real so that’s Neat. Feel free to validate my little shitpost with kudos and comments.


End file.
